"Finding our true self is the true journey of life".
I read this quote awhile back and it had left me with lingering thoughts. For many months, actually. What does that mean? What does "finding yourself" mean? Are you saying that my journey in life is to "find myself"? But, how do you know when you have found "yourself"? Is "yourself" only one thing?
Well, if you are me (a total thinker; kind of a nut-case in the head), you went on a total mission to figure this out. I picked at my life all year. Every up. Every down. Every unexpected occurrence. What do they all mean? Are they signs? Wait a second, why is this not working? I was sure I "found myself", so why is it going awry? Oh, this is panning out to be much better than I thought, maybe this is the direction I should be going in life? I am going to be 25 in a couple weeks and I haven't FOUND MYSELF?!... Total nut-case.
Well, my head started to hurt and I started to stress myself out (weird). I felt like I was throwing my own self off my "right path", which is a whole other question in itself; How do you know you are headed down the "right path"? Which one is the "right path"? I won't even get started because I probably won't end.
To say the least, I became exhausted and was ready to throw in the towel. "I will never find myself".
Then, I did. I threw in the damn towel.
Trying to "find myself" became more and more exhausting, and I realized I was missing out on my life stressing on trying to figure myself out. I'd rather be "lost" than miss out on my life.
Here comes that thinker part of me I mentioned earlier... I tried to put those thoughts away, but I never really fulllly stopped thinking about it. Then, there was a thought that I couldn't let go of. It was probably the smartest thought I have ever thought. (ha!)
And life has been different ever since.
Life isn't about finding yourself. (How the heck do you even know what you are looking for?) A lot of people believe that they have been created with certain attributes that determine who they are as a person, or what they are supposed to be. Some allow other people to define their perception on what they can and cannot do. They allow the things they have accomplished or have not accomplished to pave the way of what they are capable of. Some people feel they have no control over who they become, that they were meant to be something and they needed to find that. I was that person once, but not anymore.

Life to me is about creating myself. I realized that I, myself, have the ability to shape or craft who I am and what I experience. I get to choose how to act on my own desires and interests and how I want to go about them. I can decide what I want to believe in, what I want to do and what I will do. And, how I will absorb those things around me. I have the ability/control/strength to create my very. own. self.
(Sounds a hell of a lot easier than looking for it; I am no good with hide-and-seek.)
Anyway, since I have stopped searching and started creating, life has been at it's best. There is no pressure. I am having fun. I am healthy. I am at ease. I am enjoying the things I like, just to enjoy them; And finding things that I never knew I would like before, I like; Things of every different nature. I am
happy.
For someone who is turning 25 very soon, to feel/be happy with myself, I feel pretty damn accomplished so far.
So here, a cheers. A cupcake cheers to me. to you. To whoever we want to be.
Gingerbread Cupcakes with Cinnamon Frosting
Cupcakes
1 1/4 cup 100% whole grain flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup pure maple syrup
1/3 cup unsulfured molasses
1/4 cup almond milk
1 tablespoons freshly grated ginger
2 tablespoons greek yogurt
1 tablespoon lemon juice
Preheat oven to 350F. Line your cupcake pan with liners.
In a medium bowl, mix flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt; set aside. In a large bowl, cream coconut oil, molasses, milk, maple syrup, ginger, yogurt and lemon juice until fully combined. SLowly add your dry mix to the wet mixture until fully combined. Fill cupcake liners about 3/4 full, and bake for 20 minutes.
Allow to cool before frosting.
Cinnamon frosting
1 cup vegan margarine or shortening , room temperature
4 cups confectioners' sugar
3 tablespoons milk (I used almond for a sweeter taste)
1 teaspoon maple syrup
1 teaspoon cinnamon
In a large bowl, beat butter until fluffy. Add your confectioners' sugar 1/2 cup at a time, until full combined. Add your milk 1 tablespoon at a time until you receive the thickness you would like (I used it all). Then mix in your maple syrup and cinnamon until full combined. Store in refrigerator for about 30 minutes to harden before frosting cupcakes. Frost cupcakes when they are cool.